Ahem... Terror again, nearly 7 years later

I've been wrestling with posting this, and finally decided to do so.

January 2nd was just another day. I went into work early, so I could leave early. Got out early enough to get a few things done. Paid my rent, my car payment, got my brakes worked on, and even managed to get my mammogram done. I reminded the mamogram radiology tech to make sure I didn't get sent a postcard this time if there was a problem, like I did in 2002 (Not a good way to find out you have a possible problem. In fact, I think it is the worst way to find out.).

January 6, I took off for the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas. Its my yearly migration to the city I call my second home. And it is my vacation.

Janaury 9, while I was sitting in the press room at the Consumer Electronics Show, I got a phone call from Kaiser Radiology. The rep on the phone informed me that they saw something suspicious on my mammogram (The one I had done on January 2), and that I needed to come in for more films and an ultrasound.

Talk about a bombshell. As I was talking to the rep, certain things came up in conversation, such as the possibility of another biopsy, like I had back in 2002 (Which showed that I didn't have cancer). When I repeated the word biopsy, the room got suddenly quiet. Even though I was being quiet on the phone, this is a room full of press people, who listen to a conversation with one ear, and use the other to hear anything else that might give them the edge on an article. Oops. I guess that word freaks them out as much as it does me. I made an appointment for Monday afternoon.

I got really upset. Not there. Never in the wolves den. I actually had an interview I did after that. Don't ask me how, but I did. When I got back to my car, I let loose. I cried, I yelled. Why AGAIN? DAMMIT! WHY? I needed someone to talk to, so I called my stepfather. He's been through this before himself, beating testicular cancer. So he knows what its like to get that phone call. He let me vent. And once I was in a listening mood, he reminded me that I needed to take this one step at a time, and to not dwell on it. Get it out of my mind for the rest of the weekend, and what happens on Monday happens.

I was able to keep my fears at bay until I got on the road back to home. With 10 hours by myself while driving home, the what-if's began to creep into my head. My mortality. And all the "joys" I had the last time I went through this. I finally began to sing, just to keep my mind clear while on the road. It worked. I was able to complete my trip without really dwelling too much on the possibilities, as long as I kept singing.

I did stop at my cousin's house in Tehachapi to say "Hi". I didn't tell her. She's got enough on her mind right now, with another baby due very soon. I didn't want to say anything until I knew.

Monday, I went to work. Then in the afternoon, I went to the appointment. The lady who registered me at first couldn't figure out where my appointment was in the system. Then she asked me, "Which doctor ordered this?" I had no idea... Finally, she found what she needed to find.

A few minutes later, I was called into the back. The volunteer had my radiology chart, then told me, "Its going to be a while. There are others ahead of you." Beg pardon? I reminded her I had an appointment for additional films and ultrasound. "Oh?", she asked. She looked more confused than the registration clerk. Was I in the right place??? She led me into the "waiting area", where I changed into a mammography gown, and sat down to wait. There were two other ladies there, one was a "walk-in", coming in for her normal mammogram, and the other had already been diagnosed with a lump, and was there for more films to determine size, shape, etc. before her biopsy.

Evenutally, I got called, and had the 3 films taken. Talk about squishing! OUCH! It literally takes your breath away when they smash your breast as flat as possible to get a good film. But 3 good shots they got. I didn't budge while she took the pictures.

The radiology technician took the films to the radiologist, who cleared them. She came back after several minutes, telling me all way good. Glad to hear it. But, I want to SEE it for myself. I wanted to see the film in question, why they had concerns, and the new one showing why it was clear. So, I told her that. She told me the films were on the doctor's desk. I told her, "I can wait".

I think she figured out that I wasn't going away. She knew of my medical background from our talking while she, uh, squished me. She left, and a few minutes later, she returned with the radiologist. He was very polite. He showed me my 2006 image, the one from early January, and the one from that day. And I can see why they were so concerned. It didn't look good on the film from early January. But the ultra-squished breast showed no problem there. Oh, and I didn't need an ultrasound at that point.

As a CYA, they want me back in 6 months. No kidding! If they don't call me before then, they will hear from me, rest assured. I don't want my life interupted for anything right now. Especially cancer.

I got to my Jeep, and took off from the parking lot. Right as I got to Arden Way (for those that know the Sacto area), I lost it. I was crying, but not sad tears. They were tears of absolute joy. Tears that spoke 1000 words, all saying "Thank God!". I got it back together, and continued on.

The folk in the car next to me must have thought I got really bad news, not really good.

 The text I sent to those I told read:

ITS CLEAR! OMG ITS CLEAR! I saw the films myself! WOO HOO! Thank you for all of you who were praying for me.

For those that I did tell, THANK YOU AGAIN FOR PRAYING FOR ME DURING THIS TIME! :-)

For those I didn't tell until now, please understand I wanted to wait until I knew what was really going on before I let you know.

 

Back to life...