Las Vegas Trip

Last Wednesday, I took off for Las Vegas, to attend the 2010 Consumer Electronics Show. Aside from the show, my family lives there, so it affords me the opportunity to visit them as well, which I always love. The drive out there was actually quite nice. I didn't see the sun until I got onto highway 58 and up the hill a bit. As many in California know, in winter, northern and central CA are either fogged in, or it is rainy. Once up the hill, the sun was out and the temperature jumped from 44 to 60 degrees. It was comfortable.

I got there in about 10 hours, taking a few breaks along the way to rest my arm a bit. I was pretty sore when I got to the RV that I stay in. Typically, I bring the SUV for around town transportation, and my father brings his RV for the show. This year, he also brought his own truck. His RV is really comfortable. I happened to arrive near sunset, and fired off a few shots:

The show itself was fun. I wasn't very impressed my first day there, but Friday and Saturday, I got to play with a lot of cool stuff. And Thursday night, I attended a fun party, that also had a lot of great stuff to see. Some of this years swag was fun, but less companies were offering it. I didn't win anything (that I know of at this point), but I still entered the freebie contests as I found them. I reviewed a few items for publication, and will be doing more soon, including some headphones that are semi-custom in fit. And inexpensive!

Thursday night, I happened to witness a medical issue that occurred in a casino. I watched it from start to finish, since they had EMTs there. I was walking by as the casino EMTs arrived. It was interesting to watch how they handled a patient having a stroke while playing blackjack. They provided excellent care for the patient, who was tranferred over to Clark County fire paramedics, and transported to a local hospital for further treatment.

Friday after the show, I needed to rest. I did gamble a little (Hey, I have to pay my Vegas visitor's fee, right?), but got some dinner and went back to the RV. My arm was pretty sore after being down by my side most of Thursday and Friday, and being protective of it, so people didn't smack into it (The show floor was VERY busy). Some booths are extremely popular, and resemble mosh pits for the freebies given out.

Saturday evening, I got to spend time with my family, enjoying a really good dinner that was cooked by my sister-in-law, Paula (I want that recipe for the rice!). It didn't last nearly long enough, and soon I had to head back to the RV to get some sleep before leaving the next morning.

Yesterday's trip went quickly. I basically drove straight through, stopping only to get food and for some "brief relief". Took today off, just to kick back, but also because I have a doctor's appointment this afternoon to get more x-rays on my elbow, and chat with the orthopedist to make sure that my injury is stable and doesn't need surgery. I will let everyone know later today...

Family Time

Last Sunday, I received a phone call from my mom. She was asking me what my plans were for the Thanksgiving holiday. I told her that I had none, and I was just going to stay home and relax. "Aren't David or Diana (my adult children) coming?", she asked. Nope. It was just me and my roommates, one of whom had to work on Thanksgiving. Last year, I made dinner and delivered it to Mike and his co-worker. Figured I'd do the same this year.

"We're having a get-together here in Las Vegas. Why don't you come out?", was her response to me. I would if I had the money, I told her. With the governor's "haircut" taking 15% of my salary, there was no way I could afford it. We talked for a few minutes, and she let me know she was going to "work on it". Hmmm...

A little while later, I got a call from my brother John. They wanted to know what days I could travel. I could leave Tuesday evening, but I needed to be back for Sunday, since I worked EMS that day in Salinas. The next thing I knew, they were purchasing a roundtrip ticket for me to Las Vegas.

Tuesday night, I flew to Las Vegas. I met up with my brother Josh at the airport, and then John, one of my other brothers, picked us up and took us to the house. Since then, I've enjoyed just relaxing and spending time with my family. I finally got to meet my nephew Ian, who is 9 months old. I've seen pictures and videos of him, but this was our first F2F meeting. Even his daddy, my brother Josh, hasn't seen him in person since September, when he was stationed in Reno for military reclassification training. He has to go back to Reno tomorrow. Josh and Ian got to know each other again. I spent time with my brother Danny, his wife Jaclyn, and their kids, Trent, and Kaylen (my niece that I haven't seen since she was 6 months old. She's 2 years old now). Time flies!

My family has some older cats, Bear (AKA "Gut boy"), Rissa, Misty, and Peanut. Bear is the patriarch at 18 years old. The old man is still a friendly bugger, and basically lived on my bed the entire time. I guess if I was over 100 years old, I'd probably hang around my warm bed, too! Rissa is a tiny thing, but friendly. She's up there in age also, and I think she might have congestive heart failure, but it doesn't seem to bug her too much. She's my brother John's baby. He and Rissa have been best friends for a long time. Misty is extremely shy, and wouldn't stick around me for more than 30 seconds before bolting and going under the beds and hiding. Then there is Peanut. That cat is friggin' nuts! She attacks at the slightest provocation, and I have the marks to prove it. If schizophrenia exists for cats, she has it. I still managed to pet her once in a while, but that cat needs medication. Seriously, there is something REALLY wrong with that cat. Ironically, this morning, she was friendly as hell. Probably her way of telling me to get lost.

We even did a bit of Black Friday purchasing, starting with the sales at Nellis AFB at the BX. Why Nellis decided that morning was a great time to do a 100% ID check, I will never know, but we had to get visitor passes for myself and Josh's girlfriend. I decided not to be a smartass and show my federal ID. Figured it was easier with my state driver's license. And it was. We then got some items for Christmas, and I perused the bugout bags. Later, we went back, since Josh needed to get measured for and order a new class A uniform. I did get the bugout bag I was looking for (A smaller version of my bigger bag.), some 550 cord, and some other items I needed for DMAT. In between, we went to Walmart (after the bulk of the crazy crowd had left) and picked up some items.

We kicked back last night, watching the movie "Taken". I recommend it, by the way, but not with little ones in the room. Ian crawled around the entire time. He is so full of energy! Later, I packed...

Now it is Saturday, and I am sitting at Las Vegas International waiting for my flight back to Sacramento. I'm missing my family already... I told my mom that she needs to come visit me next.

Crash Update

My knee bruised up, swelled up, and developed a good sized effusion (fluid under the surface of the skin in my case, but not in the joint thankfully). A good section of it is still numb (which may be really good right now, but worries me). I was hoping the numbness would have improved by now, which makes me think I may have actually damaged some of the nerves in the area that I landed on. Hope it comes back.The bruising is also tracking down my leg, a function of gravity, which unfortunately makes it look worse.

I've been able to work my EMS shifts. Worked a mountain bike event Wed, and a baseball game Thu. I inadvertantly knelt down on it Thursday night, which was a BIG mistake. I am surprised I didn't yell out loud when I did it, but since I was with a patient at the time, I am glad I didn't. Never scare the patient, right? ;-)

I am still icing it during the day. The ER doc prescribed a narcotic to help me sleep, but I haven't needed it since Wed night. Good thing, as I hate taking narcotics.

Ahem... Terror again, nearly 7 years later

I've been wrestling with posting this, and finally decided to do so.

January 2nd was just another day. I went into work early, so I could leave early. Got out early enough to get a few things done. Paid my rent, my car payment, got my brakes worked on, and even managed to get my mammogram done. I reminded the mamogram radiology tech to make sure I didn't get sent a postcard this time if there was a problem, like I did in 2002 (Not a good way to find out you have a possible problem. In fact, I think it is the worst way to find out.).

January 6, I took off for the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas. Its my yearly migration to the city I call my second home. And it is my vacation.

Janaury 9, while I was sitting in the press room at the Consumer Electronics Show, I got a phone call from Kaiser Radiology. The rep on the phone informed me that they saw something suspicious on my mammogram (The one I had done on January 2), and that I needed to come in for more films and an ultrasound.

Talk about a bombshell. As I was talking to the rep, certain things came up in conversation, such as the possibility of another biopsy, like I had back in 2002 (Which showed that I didn't have cancer). When I repeated the word biopsy, the room got suddenly quiet. Even though I was being quiet on the phone, this is a room full of press people, who listen to a conversation with one ear, and use the other to hear anything else that might give them the edge on an article. Oops. I guess that word freaks them out as much as it does me. I made an appointment for Monday afternoon.

I got really upset. Not there. Never in the wolves den. I actually had an interview I did after that. Don't ask me how, but I did. When I got back to my car, I let loose. I cried, I yelled. Why AGAIN? DAMMIT! WHY? I needed someone to talk to, so I called my stepfather. He's been through this before himself, beating testicular cancer. So he knows what its like to get that phone call. He let me vent. And once I was in a listening mood, he reminded me that I needed to take this one step at a time, and to not dwell on it. Get it out of my mind for the rest of the weekend, and what happens on Monday happens.

I was able to keep my fears at bay until I got on the road back to home. With 10 hours by myself while driving home, the what-if's began to creep into my head. My mortality. And all the "joys" I had the last time I went through this. I finally began to sing, just to keep my mind clear while on the road. It worked. I was able to complete my trip without really dwelling too much on the possibilities, as long as I kept singing.

I did stop at my cousin's house in Tehachapi to say "Hi". I didn't tell her. She's got enough on her mind right now, with another baby due very soon. I didn't want to say anything until I knew.

Monday, I went to work. Then in the afternoon, I went to the appointment. The lady who registered me at first couldn't figure out where my appointment was in the system. Then she asked me, "Which doctor ordered this?" I had no idea... Finally, she found what she needed to find.

A few minutes later, I was called into the back. The volunteer had my radiology chart, then told me, "Its going to be a while. There are others ahead of you." Beg pardon? I reminded her I had an appointment for additional films and ultrasound. "Oh?", she asked. She looked more confused than the registration clerk. Was I in the right place??? She led me into the "waiting area", where I changed into a mammography gown, and sat down to wait. There were two other ladies there, one was a "walk-in", coming in for her normal mammogram, and the other had already been diagnosed with a lump, and was there for more films to determine size, shape, etc. before her biopsy.

Evenutally, I got called, and had the 3 films taken. Talk about squishing! OUCH! It literally takes your breath away when they smash your breast as flat as possible to get a good film. But 3 good shots they got. I didn't budge while she took the pictures.

The radiology technician took the films to the radiologist, who cleared them. She came back after several minutes, telling me all way good. Glad to hear it. But, I want to SEE it for myself. I wanted to see the film in question, why they had concerns, and the new one showing why it was clear. So, I told her that. She told me the films were on the doctor's desk. I told her, "I can wait".

I think she figured out that I wasn't going away. She knew of my medical background from our talking while she, uh, squished me. She left, and a few minutes later, she returned with the radiologist. He was very polite. He showed me my 2006 image, the one from early January, and the one from that day. And I can see why they were so concerned. It didn't look good on the film from early January. But the ultra-squished breast showed no problem there. Oh, and I didn't need an ultrasound at that point.

As a CYA, they want me back in 6 months. No kidding! If they don't call me before then, they will hear from me, rest assured. I don't want my life interupted for anything right now. Especially cancer.

I got to my Jeep, and took off from the parking lot. Right as I got to Arden Way (for those that know the Sacto area), I lost it. I was crying, but not sad tears. They were tears of absolute joy. Tears that spoke 1000 words, all saying "Thank God!". I got it back together, and continued on.

The folk in the car next to me must have thought I got really bad news, not really good.

 The text I sent to those I told read:

ITS CLEAR! OMG ITS CLEAR! I saw the films myself! WOO HOO! Thank you for all of you who were praying for me.

For those that I did tell, THANK YOU AGAIN FOR PRAYING FOR ME DURING THIS TIME! :-)

For those I didn't tell until now, please understand I wanted to wait until I knew what was really going on before I let you know.

 

Back to life...

Scientists: True love can last a lifetime

This from CNN tonight:

(CNN) -- Love's first blush fading? Lost that loving feeling? Love is not all around? Sick of cliches?

Take heart, scientists have discovered that people can have a love that lasts a lifetime.
Using brain scans, researchers at Stony Brook University in New York have discovered a small number of couples respond with as much passion after 20 years together as most people only do during the early throes of romance, Britain's Sunday Times newspaper reported.

The researchers scanned the brains of couples together for 20 years and compared them with results from new lovers, the Sunday Times said.

About 10 percent of the mature couples had the same chemical reactions when shown photographs of their loved ones as those just starting out.

Previous research has suggested that the first stages of romantic love fade within 15 months and after 10 years it has gone completely, the newspaper said.

"The findings go against the traditional view of romance -- that it drops off sharply in the first decade -- but we are sure it's real," said Arthur Aron, a psychologist at Stony Brook, told the Sunday Times.

=====

Note: All they had to do was ask us. Rory was my true soulmate.

So, now that the notion of soulmates is grounded in biochemical research, someone needs to find a way to really describe it to those not fortunate to have had a soulmate. I feel blessed that Rory and I found each other, even if our time here on Earth wasn't nearly long enough. No, our marriage wasn't perfect. No marriage is. I will see him again one day, I know it. I just need to be patient. When the Lord calls me home, we will be together again. In the meantime, I plan on enjoying my life! This was actually an agreement that Rory and I made long before his illness hit us. We told each other that if the other was gone, we would continue on and have fun. And I have every reason in the world to have fun!

Merry Christmas

Have a safe and very Merry Christmas!

I had the chance to see some of my family last weekend. I wouldn't have traded that for anything. Last night, my son David, his wife Candace, their roommates, and another friend came over for dinner. I decided not to make a "traditional" dinner. What did we have? A taco bar! It was nice, and definitely different!

Today, I will be going over to Candace's parents house. Not sure what they are doing, but it is better than doing nothing. Think I'll make some banana bread to take over...

Compassionate Friends Candle Lighting

Tomorrow night, at 7:00pm local time (Local time to YOU), please light a candle in remembrance of all those who died in childhood, regardless of the cause. From the Compassionate Friends website:

Worldwide Candle Lighting

The Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting®, held annually the second Sunday in December, this year December 14, unites family and friends around the globe as they light candles for one hour to honor and remember children who have died at any age from any cause. As candles are lit at 7 p.m. local time, creating a virtual wave of light, hundreds of thousands of persons commemorate and honor the memories of children in a way that transcends all ethnic, cultural, religious, and political boundaries.

Now believed to be the largest mass candle lighting on the globe, the Worldwide Candle Lighting, a gift from TCF to the bereavement community, creates a virtual 24-hour wave of light as it moves from time zone to time zone. Hundreds of formal candle lighting events are held and thousands of informal candle lightings are conducted in homes as families gather in quiet remembrance of children who have died, but will never be forgotten.

The Worldwide Candle Lighting started in the United States in 1997 as a small Internet observance but has since swelled in numbers as word has spread throughout the world of the remembrance.

I may be on the road at 7:00pm tomorrow night while returning from work, so I will light my virtual candle at 7:00pm on this site. I light my candle for:

• Luke Covey (The son of my friends, Steve and Nicole Covey)
  
• Kimmi Burnett (My cousin)
  
• Tommy Hunter (The son of Alicia and John Bennett)
• Tammy Williams (My daughter's friend from junior high school)
  

If you can make it to a ceremony near you, I invite you to. Check out the Compassionate Friends website at the link above for information about a ceremony where you live (Worldwide, folks!).

Happy Thanksgiving!

I wanted to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving. I am actually "off duty" today (No day-job, no events), so I am cooking a bird this year. Got the 17lb wonder, and 7 people to feed (including myself). Looks like I will be eating leftovers for a while. I just couldn't turn down the price!

So, just a reminder to everyone: MAKE SURE YOUR TURKEY IS COOKED! As a microbiologist (and a victim of a Salmonella infection last July), Camphylobacter and Salmonella are nasty bugs to get. They can leave lasting effects, and have been known to kill people each year. There are a lot of sites (like www.butterball.com)that will help you make sure the temp is correct, but 165 degrees in the center of the stuffing (if your bird is stuffed), or 180 in the thigh will make sure you don't get sick. Personally, I cook my turkey unstuffed. And don't leave the bird out for people to pick at all day. Bacteria will take every chance to survive. And you are a food source for them as well (That's why we get sick!).

Gone... but not as far away as they could have been

Today, Diana and Jonny moved out. Diana made some decisions that she felt would be best for her and Jonny. She wanted to move from Antelope to Philadelphia to be with her boyfriend, but he isn't quite ready for that level of relationship.

So, she went back to Salt Lake City. NO, SHE DID NOT GO BACK TO HER EX! She went back to set up shop with a friend of hers who had a baby about 5 months ago. She left around 3:00am, and got there in the early afternoon. We kept in touch her entire trip, and her trip went well and safe.

So, I sit here with a (temporarily) empty apartment. My old roommate Mike is moving back in at the end of the month. Hey, he pays his portion of the rent on time all the time! And he has and continues to improve his life. He is a good friend, inherently honest to the core, and I trust him implicitly. He doesn't mind my wanderings at 4 in the morning when I am on my way to an event. And I get cat-sitting out of the deal if I go out of town, say, to Salt Lake City. :-)

May I introduce...

David and Candace Roberts!

Yes, my son is now married. Candace is an incredible welcome asset to our family. She has already been my second daughter for years now, but their making it legal makes it just that more a joy! Their ceremony was beautiful. My brother Steve was also married in this joint ceremony, to a wonderful woman named Debra.

Welcome to the family, Candace! May you and David have a long life together. You truly are soulmates. And a welcome to Debra as well!

The Leader of the Band (1951-2007)

I was getting ready for work very early this morning, and was watching the news as I do just about every day, and found out that one of my favorite music artists, Dan Fogelberg, passed away from prostate cancer yesterday. I knew he had been battling it for a few years.

This talented artist's music influenced a lot of my thinking (and my choice of music) over the years. His gift of the ability to pass on incredible emotion in his music is one that many of his fans deeply appreciated. When I moved from home in 1984, I left the song, "The Leader of The Band" on the turntable at my father's house, with a note asking him to play it. I don't know if he did, but I do know that when I retrieved my music collection later from my father's house, that 45 was not in the collection (Do you still have it dad? If so, please keep it. I meant the thoughts in the song that day!). Here are the lyrics to that song, for those of you that may not recall it, or who have never heard it:

The Leader of The Band

An only child alone and wild

A cab'net maker's son

His hands were meant for diff'rent work

And his heart was known to none

He left his home

And went his lone and solitary way

And he gave to me a gift

I knowI never can repay

A quiet man of music

Denied a simpler fate

He tried to be a soldier once

But his music wouldn't wait

He earned his love thru' discipline

A thund'ring velvet hand

His gentle means of sculpting souls

Took me years to understand

The leader of the band is tired

And his eyes are growing old

But his blood runs thru' my instrument

And his song is in my soul

My life has been a poor attempt

To imitate the manI'm just a living legacy

To the leader of the band

My brother's lives were diff'rent

For they heard another call

One went to Chicago

And the other to St Paul

And I'm in Colorado

When I'm not in some hotel

Living out this life I've chose

And come to know so well

I thank you for the music

And your stories of the road

I thank you for the freedom

When it came my time to go

I thank you for the kindness

And the times when you got tough

And Papa I don't think I said

"I love you" near enough

The leader of the band is tired

And his eyes are growing old

But his blood runs thru' my instrument

And his song is in my soul

My life has been a poor attempt

To imitate the man

I'm just a living legacy

To the leader of the band

I am the living legacy

To the leader of the band

Goodbye, Dan.

Thanksgiving

Diana, Jonny, and I all went to Tehachapi for Thanksgiving at my cousin's farm. It has been fun, albeit short. Getting to see my cousin, her family, my aunt and uncle, and my grandmother was really fantastic!

Unfortunately, we need to leave in a little while to go back home (Both Diana and I have work tomorrow). Here are some pics!

Diana and Jonny on one of their horses.








Turkey... yum!!!












L. and I share almost the same birthday! So we celebrated together!














Jonny in a playhouse.














Most of us in the pic!

Away for Thanksgiving

I have decided to travel for Thanksgiving and go down to my cousin's house in Tehachapi. It is soooo nice to see my family! Diana and Jonny also came with me. We tried to bring our roommate, but she has negative feelings about Thanksgiving (her family always fights... I tried to explain to her that most families really don't fight like that). Maybe next time!

Anyhow, I will be on the road for a day or two. Enjoy the Black Friday sales!

Honoring Our Veterans

Please take time today to honor those who serve, and who have served, to defend our country. Regardless of your political beliefs, they deserve our respect for their willingness to lay down their lives defending us.

I thought I would share a picture of my grandfather, Willard Dorsett, taken during World War II, that I found. I wish I had a picture of my other grandfather, Alfred Meyers, that I could show you. Both served in World War II with distinction. I am so proud of their service.













I have also added a picture of myself with two of my brothers, Josh and Daniel. They are both serving currently. Josh is in the Army reserves, and Daniel is active in the Air Force. Daniel is on the left, Josh on the right. Why am I in uniform? I am in a DMAT, part of the National Disaster Medical System. But I am not the focus of today, they are. This is just the only picture I have of them in uniform.

Family Updates

David and Candace have been in Denver almost a month now. They are doing well, and getting used to the difference in lifestyle from California living. They are living with my brother Steve and his girlfriend/fiance' Debra, her daughter Crystal, and Crystal's boyfriend. Tight quarters!

No pics from them yet.

Diana is enjoying her new job, working in a call center for AT&T. Jonny is doing well, growing like a weed! I attached a pic I took tonight of him. In the pic, you can see that cute nose and chin of his! He's a delight to have around (even though he broke my nose - I know it was not intentional).

My dad and my stepmom are doing well, as is my family in Las Vegas. I miss them all so much! Might get to Tehachapi for Thanksgiving this year. It will be nice to see everyone!

17 Mo old Breaks Grandmother's Nose

Yeah. Either that, or the worst bruise in the world.

Jonny and I were cuddling Friday evening, and he suddenly turned over and whacked me with the back of his head. HARD. I felt and heard the crack of the cartilage breaking away from the bone right where the two meet. Weirdest sound from the inside. Thankfully, our roommate was here and grabbed one of my instant ice packs (once I told her where it was) and brought it to me. She took Jonny and I sat there icing my nose for the next half hour, dealing with my eyes tearing, even though I wasn't crying.

I let Diana know by text message (she was at work at the time) once I was able to, and she asked if I was going to the E.R. I told her no, since the fracture wasn't displaced (my nose still looks like its usual self), they wouldn't be able to do anything except refresh my ice pack. And take $50 from me.

I have some bruising, although it is hard to spot. Thankfully.

Rough and Ready

I am away on a deployment exercise through Sunday, down in Southern CA. I hope to meet up with my father and stepmother, maybe for dinner. They are just a few miles down the road. :-)

Rory 11/5/59-7/28/04

Three years ago, Rory ascended to heaven, surrounded by David, Diana, and myself. Though he is no longer in pain, we still here on Earth are.

I miss you, lover. My heart still aches for you!

We all miss you.

Heaven's Children

My cousin's recently miscarried her son, and yesterday they held the service for Nathaniel. His premature death has made me think a lot lately. This thinking finally came to fruition via a small poem/story I title simply, "Heaven's Children":

Heaven’s Children

When a child does not make it to birth, we always ask “Why?…”

One question that comes to mind is, “Why does the Lord call them home so early?”

- Is it because He saw something special in them to begin with?
- Is it because He knew those perfectly untainted children have unique views?
- Is it because He knew they would have overwhelming problems after birth?
- Is it because He heard they needed special protection that this earthly life could not provide?

My own twin son did not make it to birth. He never made it past the first trimester. That was over 21 years ago. Only my husband and I know the personal feelings we had about this. Back then, they didn’t even acknowledge that my son was a twin until after he was born. It never was documented, so only my husband and I (and the doctor attending) know for sure. For years, I blocked that pain, not accepting it. That changed after my husband passed away. I began to look inward at myself. And at some forgotten things, including my son that never made the journey through birth and childhood.

My personal view is that the child not meant for life on Earth, has been granted a very special place in Heaven, to be cared for by our Heavenly Father. They are never tainted, never needing forgiveness. They are, truly, Heaven’s Children.

Renee Roberts, 2007

Note to my cousin: I know your heart and arms ache so much right now. Rest assured, it will ease... in time. We are all here to support you. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you or your family.

Jonny's First Birthday Cake!

Jonny's first birthday was on Tuesday. Due to work schedules, we finally held Jonny's "party" tonight. Well, sort of. It was just David, Candace, Mike, Karen (Mike's GF), Diana, Colin (Diana's BF), myself, and of course, the birthday boy himself! A "micro" party, of sorts.

I gave him his birthday present from me earlier, a baby piano (that 4 key model). He LOVES it! He sat there for a half-hour playing it. Imagine both hands on 4 keys. Now, think Beethoven's 5th! It was great!

So, tonight we got together to sing him "Happy Birthday". Diana made a carrot cake (No nuts in or on it), with cream cheese icing. We got a short of Jonny sans cake:


And then we gave him his piece of cake, and sang to him! He stuck his fingers in the icing, and sat there opening and closing his hands feeling the sticky frosting. Then, he tasted it... "Oooh!!!" is the best description to his response.

Then, he dug in...



















Doesn't he look cute?

He decimated that cake! And conditioned his skin at the same time!













HAPPY FIRST BIRTHDAY JONNY!

Updates

OK... Its been a while since I posted. I have been sooooo busy, you would not believe it! Let's see, where do I start?

On April 19th, David and I went out and brought Diana and Jonny back to California. Things were getting worse and worse every day for them. Jon was acting increasingly more bizarre, also refusing to see Jonny (except for the day before we came back, ironically enough). I strongly suspect he is using meth or coke right now. His color was horrible (yellow, including his sclera - the whites of his eyes). He damn near ran over my feet when leaving Diana's apartment. We were all becoming more concerned that he would be physically violent (as if mental and emotional wasn't enough). We were so relieved when we got back here!

Diana and Jonny are doing well. Jonny is walking EVERYWHERE! He turns 1 on May 22nd! Diana is working, and looking for better work, while getting back in school to earn her degree. I know all of this is so hard on her, but she is doing the right things for her and Jonny.

I started bike riding to and from work. I can't ride anywhere near all the way (yet), but I am working on it! I ride at least 5 TRUE MILES per day (over hill and dale, so-to-speak). Some days, it is as much as 20 miles (whew!). The cost of gas is just too much, and I need the exercise. I was a little bummed at my WW Weigh-in last Saturday, as I had gained weight. But my pants are looser, and muscle weighs more than fat. I am hopeful that I will see a loss this week at the scale.

Financially, things are not good. It cost quite a bit to get Diana and Jonny back here, and honestly, it was money I can't afford. And diapers, etc add to the cost. Diana is working, but it isn't much right now (Which is why she is looking for better). I am trying to figure this all out, but frankly, I need more money or less expenses. All my reserves are gone. For those of you I have helped in the past, please considering returning the favor. We really need the help. I don't often ask for help, but this is rough right now. Many of you know I work more than one job (I have 4, actually. All but one are VERY part-time, and intermittent), so you know I try to do things myself.

Of Easter and Loneliness

I have always enjoyed Easter. It is a reminder of my commitment to my Christian beliefs. I was baptized on Easter when I was a young girl., at the church that many of my family would go to for years, even if only intermittently for me. I was married in that same church.

And it traditionally has been a chance to meet up with family, catch up on activities, and enjoy a good meal together. I love having family around, even if it is only one or two family members.

Maybe I am just feeling "empty nest syndrome", or maybe being selfish, but this Easter just doesn't feel right. David moved out a few months ago, and although I have a roommate, he has his own life. No one coming over, no dinner (except what I made for myself). Even though David is less than a mile away living with Candace and her family, somedays like today, it seems like he is thousands of miles away. He is still recovering from tonsil surgery, so he wouldn't be up to coming anyway.

And I miss Diana and Jonny. I know it won't be long until they are here, but it can't come soon enough for me. Being so far away from them has left my heart aching.

I did go to Bloodsource and donated platelets and red cells today. Giving of myself did help me to feel a little better about today, but it still doesn't feel right.

Maybe next Easter will be better.

My newest niece

On Thursday, my brother Danny got a wonderful birthday present: He got to really see his unborn daughter. This picture was taken during their OB appointment "4-D" ultrasound. You can see her smiling! (I have a bunch of other shots Danny sent me, but I thought this one really showed her face).

She is soooo cute!

Danny & Jacquelyn, have you picked out her name yet? I hope you don't mind my sharing.

Nashville

I have been on a little blogging break for the past 10 days.

Nashville is where I have been since last Friday evening, attending the National Disaster Medical System (NDMS) Conference. This conference, held yearly in different cities, offers all members of NDMS the chance to get together from all over the U.S., see friends from previous deployments, to listen to our government tell us of upcoming items of interest, and most importantly, to learn many, many new things in a brief period of time. Last year, I took a class that blew me away, called Advanced Radiation Life Support. This year, it was Teaching Emergency Response Personnel. The original instructor, a gentleman I have taken courses from before, was unable to make it due to the snowstorm that hit New England last week. The replacement was someone who has a lot of "off-the-cuff" knowledge, that he imparted on all of us. I have pages and pages of notes, and feel that I got 150% of what I expected previously of the course. There have been other courses I took, but this one course really was the "whiz-bang winner"!

So, I have been staying at an incredible hotel, the Gaylord Opryland, located next door to the Grand 'Ole Opry. This hotel is, for lack of a better word, MASSIVE. It has 2880 rooms, three totally enclose atriums, live plants everywhere, and some wonderfully renovated rooms. My first room wasn't renovated, but I was moved to another room due to a problem in the first room. The difference is like night and day. Imagine a step above a Motel 6 for the first room, and a 4 star hotel room for the next.

I even took in a show Saturday night at the Grand 'Ole Opry with a good friend of mine, Barbara, from NJ-1 DMAT. We got to see Loretta Lynn, along with many other artists. For those who don't know, the Grand 'Ole Opry is done as a radio show, but the stars are really there. Loretta Lynn still has that incredible voice! It was a lot of fun!

I am still here tonight, but getting ready to leave tomorrow after the conference ends. Time flies so fast when you are learning and having fun! I will post some pics as soon as I can.

Of Cookies, Jonny, Tendonitis, and more...

First, here are a few pictures of Jonny!





































Now, many of you know that I am a Girl Scout Leader. And yep, it is that time of year again... GIRL SCOUT COOKIE TIME! If you are looking for cookies, get in touch with me! We still have plenty of all varieties, including the new Sugar Free Little Brownie cookie! (It really tastes yummy!). The other varieties are: Thin Mint, Samoas, All Abouts, Cafe Cookies, Tagalongs, Do-Si-Dos, and Trefoils. Price: $3.50 a box + Shipping to get it to you.

I am battling tendonitis in my right wrist again, and am sitting here splinted to try and alleviate the pain (That and NSAIDs). Ugh. It has got to get better quick. I don't want to go to Nashville splinted later this month. If it isn't better soon, I guess I will get it seen.

I am back on Weight Watchers again, and seem to finally be losing weight again. Maybe my body needed a "diet break". :-)

Shooting in Salt Lake City Last Night

By now, you may have heard about a shooting at a mall in the Salt Lake City area. I wanted to make eveyone aware that Diana and Jonny were nowhere near it at the time. Diana was in school last night when it happened, and Jonny was being babysay. I found out through a "breaking news alert" on my cell phone that I subscribed to. Yeah, I immediately got worried and called Diana, who let me know that she was in class, and they had just heard about a shooting, but didn't know much else. I gave her what info I had at the time, so she could update her classmates.

If you didn't hear about it, here is some information:

An 18-year old while male entered the Trolley Square mall in SLC around 7:00pm last night. He had a shotgun and a handgun. He randomly shot people as he walked through the mall. He was shot dead, possibly by an off-duty officer. The shooter killed 5 people, and critically wounder 4 others.

My prayers go out to all the people who were affected by this tragedy.

To learn more information, go to these sites:(Warning: Don't show these sites to small kids. There are some pictures there showing bodies. No blood, but definitely bodies.)

• KSL (Local TV): http://www.ksl.com
• KUTV (Local TV): http://www.kutv.com
• Salt Lake Tribune: http://www.sltrib.com

Back in Antelope

Wow! It has been a while since I posted! I went to the 2007 Consumer Electronics Show (Held in Las Vegas). I am very thankful my employer paid my salary while I was at the show. When I learn about new technology, they do as well. There was pre-conference stuff I attended on Saturday and Sunday, along with the show on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday (I actually wasn't on the show floor Wednesday... I listened in on the webcasts as I was on my way to Salt Lake City to avoid driving in the impending snowstorm). Webcast and podcast listening on the Treo 680 is surprisingly simple. And I-15 has about 90% connectivity from Las Vegas to Salt Lake City. I will talk about it another time.

CES itself was wonderfully exciting this year. What is the big buzz for this show? UMPC's (Ultra Mobile Personal Computers), accessories for EVERYTHING, Microsoft Vista, and Bluetooth (although you could consider them accessories - they deserve a category all their own). I wanted to stay longer, but couldn't risk the weather. And I was glad I left Wednesday...

I got to Salt Lake City on Wednesday night. The trip was nice. I-15 is a wonderful drive! On Thursday, we got 6 inches of snow at Diana's apartment (I measured it just for chuckles). It snowed and snowed and snowed. I've been there during snowfalls before. This was a lot, even for SLC. There were over 500 accidents on the roads during this snowstorm. I-70 was closed for a while south of Salt Lake City. We still went out and got some things done, but we were REAL careful and didn't venture too far. I love my Jeep... no slip and slide. I am permanently sold on 4WD. ALL of my vehicles will have 4WD in the future.

The cold afterward was another thing. It was so cold out there, it took our breath away when we went outside. The low was around 0 to -2 (yes, NEGATIVE 2) degrees, and the high was 15 while I was there. We stayed inside a lot. Good thing. Jonny had a cold that turned into an ear infection. Poor guy was so miserable on Saturday. We took him to the E.R., who put him on antibiotics and agreed with me on using a decongestant and cough suppressant for his symptoms. Within 24 hours, he was a renewed child! I had to leave at this time, and didn't want to!


I did take Diana out on Saturday night for her birthday (even though her birthday was on Sunday). She wanted to go to Red Robin, so we went there. Neither of us had been there before... they have great burgers! And bottomless fries (not good when you are on Weight Watchers, but neither of us ordered more than what was on our plates). I managed to tell the waitress that it was Diana's birthday without Diana seeing me do it... hehe... they delivered a GIGANTIC piece of ice cream pie for her birthday, free of charge! It was fun! Happy 19th birthday, hon!

We also got her some furniture for her living room. When she moved into this apartment, she didn't take any furniture except Jonny's crib and changing table, and a mattress for her. She found a couch, chair, and ottoman for $40 on Craigslist.org (Great site!), which was in great condition! So, that was my present to her (her request). It is a cute set, and Jonny loves them as well. You should have seen how we got it from South Jordan to Diana's apartment! It was COLD, and the back of the Jeep was open, with the couch sticking out about 2 feet, and the chair on top of the Jeep on the rack. Jon got the ottoman home in his trunk, with Jonny in his car. Use your imagination for the picture... Not a bad set for $40, huh?



My trip back home was uneventful, which is a surprising departure for winter travel. The roads were clear (Some of you might recall my last trip took 15.5 hours... this one... 9). It was bitterly cold, with a high temp of 28 degrees, and a low of 3 while I was travelling. The northern Nevada desert was covered with snow most of the trip. There were a few clouds, but it was so cold, they wouldn't snow.


I know most people think "Desert? There's nothing in the desert but, well, desert." They can't farther from the truth. The desert is a delightfully beautiful place, but can be inhospitable and unforgiving. Always travel with an emergency kit of food, water, blankets, and a first aid kit. Especially in the desert, regardless of time of year.

Even sick, he's cute!

Have A Happy and Prosperous New Year!

To all my family and friends:I didn't get my letter out this year with my Christmas cards, so here is what I was going to send:


Wow! This year has been a whirlwind of activity! And one that has brought changes to all of us. First, I want to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and a prosperous New Year. I hope this letter finds you in good spirits, and spending time with family and friends.

The New Year started for David and I with a move. We found out 3 days before Christmas last year that the house we lived in was being sold. Try as we did, we could not convince them to wait until summer to sell, so we needed to find a new place to live. A few calls and visits later, and we signed a lease for an apartment. I swore I would never share walls with anyone again, but here I am! My neighbors for the most part are quiet at night, and the complex has children everywhere (I love listening to kids!). Many of the residents here are of Russian descent, and some do not speak English, but we all get along. The apartment is only a few years old, so everything generally works. I have the world’s smallest porch, but it is nice. Mike, our roommate and friend, also moved with us. He has lived with us since August 2005, and is a longtime friend of mine (I used to work with him).

Rory’s father passed away in April. I miss his conversations on the phone. I know since he had the stroke a few years earlier that many people wouldn’t take the time to listen to him, but he was the same guy. He just spoke slower. I will really miss him.

After Rory’s father passed away, Rory’s mom made the decision to move closer to Luane (Rory’s sister) in Connecticut. She is living in a senior housing center, and enjoys the area a lot. I really want to go out and visit her. We talk on the phone, but it isn’t the same. I haven’t seen her since January 2005. I miss her.

I finished school in May, graduating with a Bachelor’s in Biology, concentration in Microbiology, and a minor in Chemistry. Although I had graduated, it took CSU Sacramento until October to send my diploma. But, my degree was on the national system by July, which was good. Suddenly, I was looking for work again!

Before graduating, I had taken an exam for a state job. The title was “Hazardous Substances Scientist”, and I scored very high. I was in the top 3 scores. The only person above me for some time had been on the list for almost a year, which suggested that he/she already found a job elsewhere. So, then the “Employment Inquiries” started coming. I responded to all of them, and interviewed in Glendale. Didn’t get that job, but I later interviewed in Sacramento.

In the meantime, I was working 4 part-time jobs to make ends meet. DMAT, the Rivercats, a friend with an EMS company, and Bloodsource, the local blood bank (Like Red Cross – all voluntary donations). I worked there until last August, when I took the job that was offered to me at the Sacramento office of the Department of Toxic Substances Control. Yes, it is a state job, but the pay is ok, and the benefits are wonderful. This job has given me a chance to learn many new things, and to consider a different path for my life. I plan on staying in emergency medicine, no matter what, but I can certainly consider different directions.

During my final weeks in school, I was nervously awaiting a phone call… from Diana. She was expecting, and her due date was around my last days of school. I got through finals (Don’t ask me how!), and went straight out to Salt Lake City, UT on May 18^th, right after my last final. My mom went out there, too, although she wasn’t able to stay until the baby was born. After a “trial of labor” with medication, Diana came home for two more days, then the real labor started, and she was admitted to the hospital. Diana and Jon welcomed Jonathan Douglas Lester II into the world on May 22. Little Jonny had a bit of a rough start, with a high bilirubin count around 4 days old, but home UV light therapy for a few days fixed that! I stayed another week, but then had to leave.

David proposed to Candace in July, and she accepted. He borrowed my wedding rings (on my suggestion) so that he could “do it right”! They haven’t set a date (yet), but they are beginning to see that married life carries with it some good things, and are considering when to “tie the knot”.

I went back out to Las Vegas and Salt Lake City for Labor Day weekend, and for Thanksgiving weekend. While in Las Vegas, Dan, Josh, and I all got pictures taken of us in uniform. I miss seeing Diana and Jonny all the time! I want to be out there everyday, watching him this first year. Diana sends me pictures just about every day (I am so thankful for picture messaging on cell phones nowadays!), so I get to see those little glimpses of Jonny.

After a rough last few months, Diana and Jon have decided to break up. Diana moved out into an apartment of her own, still in Salt Lake City, so that Jon can be a part of Jonny’s life. I know both of them love Jonny dearly, but Diana has matured more, returning to school as well as working full-time (and caring for a baby!), and realized that she and Jon were not going to be together forever as a result. Jon has some other issues to deal with that were taking priority over Diana and Jonny. I hope that he gets control of those issues, and continues to mature and be a part of Jonny’s life. He is a great guy, and I know he loves being a daddy to that little guy. They are sharing responsibilities for Jonny, alternating caring for him to accommodate their work schedules.

I helped both Diana and David to obtain newer cars that will carry them for a long time to come. It put my plans to buy a newer Jeep off for some more time (another year or two), but it was more important to help them.

So, here we are at this wonderful time of year! My finances don’t allow me to travel to see everyone this year, as I want to do. But I will sure try to stay in touch!

I wish all of you a wonderful New Year!

He's crawling EVERYWHERE now

Jonny got his crawling legs, and now he is getting into everything, according to Diana! Now, she has to babyproof EVERYTHING...


Anyhow, here is a great pic of the munchkin in his Santa suit:

Time Flies

Its been a few weeks since I posted. I can't even believe its been that long! Since I posted, my 43rd birthday has passed, and I got to see my daughter Diana, my grandson Jonny, and Jonny's father, Jon over Thanksgiving weekend. I really had fun out there, and wish I could have stayed longer. Diana, Jonny, and I spent Thanksgiving together. I showed Diana how I cook turkey, and we had mashed potatoes, homemade cranberry sauce, and other good things. Pumpkin pie waited until the next day. We were too full to enjoy it until then.

Jonny is 6 months old now, and the sweetest little guy! He smiles all the time, and is so close to crawling! When I was there, has would crawl a little, but land on his belly, doing that kicking thing babies do when they are learning to crawl. He is so cute!

Diana and Jon broke up, and Diana moved into her own apartment. Its really nice, from the pictures I saw. She needs everything, of course, but has a bed, and Jonny's crib and stuff. She needs furniture, towels, blankets, kitchen stuff, all the things we need when setting up a household.

She wants to stay in town, so Jon still has access to his son, which I think is a good idea. I hope that he becomes more responsible, and really takes on the challenges he needs to so he stays an active part of Jonny's life. They both love that little boy!




Here's some more pics of the magic munchkin:







My trip back was a different matter...

I took off early on Sunday, intending to make it over the Sierra before the storm hit that was expected. Had minimal problems, until I got past Reno. Then, the storm and I met each other. It had arrived in the mountains a few hours early. I got to the base of the mountain, and was heading up toward Truckee. Then traffic stopped dead. And crawled... and crawled... and crawled. It took me 3 HOURS (normal = 10-20 min) to get to the old agricultural station, where the chain controls were, in Truckee. Ugh... got waved through (Thank God for owning a 4WD Jeep with snow tires!). I drove at 20 MPH average (Max 30 MPH) for another 2 hours. Finally got out of the Sierra and home.

Normal trip = 10.0 hours
This trip = 15.5 hours
Worst trip = 16.0 hours

It was close to the worst trip to or from SLC that I have had. But, I got home safe. The combination of holiday traffic AND chain controls. Ick. Of course, our kids and grandkids are worth it!

More Pics

Now, you'd *NEVER* know I was a proud grandma, would you!


I love his smile!

Here's a shot of Diana and Jonny

Jonny in costume!

Isn't he CUTE????

All of us in uniform

I don't think I have shared this online yet. Josh, Dan and I got together briefly over Labor Day Weekend, and took a pic of us in our uniforms. It was a special birthday present for our mom. Dan (left) is in the Air Force, Josh (right) is in the Nevada National Guard, and I am a member of the National Disaster Medical System (NDMS) in DMAT CA-11. This is the first time we have all been together in a VERY long time! Now if I can get John and Steve to join us in a shot...

Such a cute pic!

This is one of the latest pics of Jonny. Isn't he cute all passed out on his swing?

10-6-84... 22 years ago today

Today would have been 22 years of wonderful marriage for Rory and I. Each October is very difficult for me since Rory died, especially when this day approaches. I still wonder what my life would be like with him here beside me, rather than alone. Yes, I know I wouldn't be where I am. But still... I'd trade this current life for him in a split second... if he wouldn't be in pain. God, I miss him.

His love wove its way into me
He won me with time... and persistance
His heart was bigger than his body
His soul was a part of me... and mine a part of his
I had him for 22 years
He has me forever

Our children got to know
The man I came to love
He saw grow and love themselves
He saw them become
He stayed for them... not for me
But his love stays on forever

His last breathe came
A day two years ago
His last heartbeat
Recorded always in my mind
He showed his love... with a touch
He said goodbye... without a word

On this day, the day we wed
I sit here weeping and thinking
Remembering and loving
His days on Earth I always cherish
And I know that my soulmate is waiting for me
For the day I return to him
--- Renee Roberts

Updates

Well, this week was the first week with DTSC. I love working there! Although I am not doing much yet (since I need a lot of training), I have provided assistance to them while I am learning how the department (and government in general) works. Some of it can be frustrating, but I really do like learning new things, this included!

My cousin Tammi and her family came up here on a brief visit. It was really wonderful seeing all of them after so long (Two years, since Rory's memorial service). I wish it could have lasted longer, but they didn't come up for a social visit. They were helping her husband's mother, who was in an accident up here. The girls all got to see some of the sights here in Sacramento, and they are applying it to their homeschooling.

I am taking a class through a local community college. Nothing much, but it is a pre-requisite for the paramedic program at the college. I like to keep my options open in this world. If I don't get into a P.A. program, paramedic isn't bad! Keeps me in emergency medicine!

Two Years Ago, A Light Went Out...

... and my heart was broken, on July 28, 2004. That was the day my beloved soulmate of 19 years, Rory, was taken from me. Heaven welcomed Rory that fateful day. I sit here two years later, not knowing why my heart feels so heavy, when I know that he doesn't hurt anymore.

This year, so much has happened. I graduated, my grandson was born, and I have restarted my life in a new direction. Yet I think back and miss him so, so much. My heart aches everytime I think of him. I miss his smile, his jokes, his ability to make magic (Yeah, Rory was a magician). I miss his smell. I had his pillowcase for the longest time, unwashed, because it still smelled like him. But my nana was right. The smell fades. And in time, goes away. The hurt doesn't.

But most of all, I miss him next to me, in my bed, every night, cuddling me. I still feel like he will be right next to me when I wake up. And of course, he isn't.

God, my heart aches.

Updates

Well, I am back to work, sort of. For my day job, I am working through a temp firm, at a local blood bank. Not quite what I want to do for a long time, but it is money at the moment. I am looking at other positions, and have one in mind specifically that I am hoping I get. If I get it, I will let you all know more about it, but I don't want to jinx it! I am still working for the Rivercats as well, and trying to pick up extra shifts any time I can get.

Diana and Jon sent me more pictures of Jonny. They are all doing well. Here is one of the pictures:



Isn't his smile cute??? I want to go visit soooo bad!

David is still working at a local big and tall mens store. He likes the work. He and Candace are still together, and doing well.

The hospital pic link

Here is the URL for the pics taken by the hospital: http://www.growingfamily.com/webnursery/babypage_view.asp?URLID=5F5S9V0P3T

Jonny is doing better!

His bilirubin is back down in the normal range. :-)

The doctor still wants him under the lights through today, just to make sure.

More Pics

Looking for more pics of Jon, Diana, and baby Jon? Look here: http://www.portable-essentials.com/family/lester/

I'm a Grandma!

Yep! Diana had the baby, Jonathan Douglas Lester II, at 6:53pm last night. He weighed 7 lbs 10 oz, and is 20-1/2 inches long! More pics later, I promise! I am working on getting one of Diana and baby Jon too!

I absolutely love the last picture of Jon and Jon! Jon will make such a fantastic daddy!

No baby yet...

Diana is not in labor yet. Her docs have agreed to induce her by Thursday if she doesn't go into labor by then. That said, she feels like she will go into labor any minute now (Could be hopeful thinking... but that's good!), and she decided to clean her house up... :-)

Anyhow, as soon as I know anything, I will let everyone know. I am heading out to SLC on Thursday after my last final exam (Cell Physiology... I am so excited about Diana, Jon, and the newest member of our family to arrive very soon, I can't even think right now!) I am so excited at being a grandma (In my family, I will be called "Nana").

Diana is having...

Yep! Diana just sent me a text message from her ultrasound appointment! She and Jon just found out she is having a boy! Oh yeah, her due date has been changed to MAY 22nd!!! (David's birthday is May 21).

I love both of you, Diana and Jon!

Everyone back where they should be

Friday, the van was fixed to make it driveable. The guys at the Les Schwab store were absolutely amazed that the damage wasn't as bad as previously thought. Given what it looked like when it arrived there (see the pics on the 2nd), they thought like we did that the front end needed major work. It still cost me almost $500 to fix it, not including the tow and stow charges of $150 to the local towyard where it was taken. But it was made safe to drive.

Saturday, after having the van repaired enough to make it roadworthy, we caravaned to Salt Lake City. The roads were a little treacherous, but nothing like the night before. After a 5 hour trip, we made it to SLC, which made me VERY happy. Happy and thankful that nobody was hurt, and that they are safe and back in SLC at their home.

David, Candace and I stayed the night in SLC, then left yesterday morning for Sacto. Got home late last night. It was nice sleeping in my own bed again, although I am still pretty tired right now. The cats seemed to really miss us a lot. I had bedmates most of the night, purring away!

I stopped briefly at the accident site when I was driving back to Sacto. Diana and Jon really had a guardian angel looking out for them. When I was looking it over again, I noticed a concrete drain sticking out from the ground (about 5 feet long, 3 feet high) about 10 feet from where the van landed. If it had gone further and hit the drain... The thought scares the hell out of me.


(David, Diana, and myself yesterday morning at her house in SLC)

They were so lucky...

Tuesday night, my daughter rolled the van I had just given her.

It happened just outside of Elko, NV. They were about 20 miles outside of town, and hit a section of black ice. Before they knew it, they were spinning out of control on Interstate 80. When the van began to hit the median (dirt median between east and westbound lanes - no fencing), the tires on the left dug in. The tires were pulled off the rims, and they slid down the dirt median. They slid about 50 feet in the median, and came to rest facing westbound. The van landed on the left side.

Both Diana and Jon are fine. A couple of bruises, literally. But, after going out to the scene of the accident, it is clear that if this had happened 50 yards further or back, I don't think they would have survived. The topography of the area would have meant that they would have rolled end over end if it had happened anywhere else nearby. I am so thankful that they are ok.

The NHP officer who arrived at the accident started looking inside the van, with Jon and Diana outside the van by then. He finally asked them, "Where are the people that were in the van?". Jon and Diana replied that they were the ones in the van. The officer didn't believe them at first, then asked, "Why didn't you stay in the van?" They replied that they were afraid it would blow up (They smelled gasoline as they were getting out). "Are you ok?"... (Around this time, the dispatcher notified him that Diana was pregnant - I had let them know by calling Elko NHP dispatch, since I wasn't sure if there was an officer on the way or not).

The van, by the way, sustained a fair amount of damage on the left side. These pictures were taken after it was towed from the towyard to Les Schwab. The driver door is, well, screwed up. The window works with great effort only. The tie-rod may be bent, the tires went back on the rims without a problem. The front left panel is crushed in. The worst seems to be cosmetic (who cares...). The NHP officer that responded told Diana and Jon that if they had rolled it in the summer, that the damage would have been much worse. And, they might not be here to talk about it.

I am grateful for the NHP officer, the truckers that stopped to help (Thank you guys! I don't know who you are, but if you ever read this, email me.), and for the dispatcher who relayed information to me, and to the NHP officer, and to my daughter.

UPDATE: The van has been repaired enough to make it road-worthy. Cosmetically, it still looks horrid, but they can fix that later. We will head to SLC tomorrow.

Back in Sacto

Well, I got back to Sacto on Saturday, along with Diana and Jon. :-)

No, they aren't moving back here. They need a vehicle, and I had the van that was basically sitting doing nothing. So, I gave it to them. That van has seen 10 years of service for our family. I didn't want the hassle of selling it with all of its flaws, so giving it to Diana and Jon seemed right. I don't want Diana without transportation, especially while she is pregnant. Salt Lake City is might cold in winter. Heck, it was cold there last week while I was there! So, they are now driving back to SLC. Their visit was too short. I miss them already.

Today would have been Rory's 46th birthday.

Well, my brother Steve moved to Reno today... He found love on the internet. He's been back in my life for the last 4 years, moving from Kansas when things fell apart for him at a time things were doing the same for me, living with us, helping me when I needed someone to keep an eye on David and Diana, watching my place when I was gone, keeping me sane at times I was questioning my faith and my direction, and generally being... a brother. Dude, I am gonna miss seeing you all the time. But I am glad you have found someone to be a part of your life again.

(And yeah, I know... Reno is only 2 hours up the road. We will still see each other.)

I ended up travelling back to SLC when Diana got pretty sick. But, she is going much better after I.V. antibiotics. After 3 days, they have moved her to oral antibiotics, so I know she is happy about getting the I.V. out of her hand. Keep getting better, Diana!

So, aside from driving at low altitude on my way out there, I took more pictures on the way back! There were things I didn't get good shots of last trip, so I took a few more minutes, and here are a few of the sights from highway 80:


What the HECK is this? It is on the Bonneville Salt Flats. If you know, email me, please!

UPDATE: This is called "Metaphor: the Tree of Utah", by Karl Momen. It was completed in January 1986. This was courtesy a little Google searching by me... I really wanted to know!


Another shot showing the state of Nevada has a great sense of humor


Bet most of you didn't know that Nevada has more hot springs than any other state! (Really!)

While on my trip to SLC and back, I had the chance to take a few pictures. I tend to look for odd signs, and funny statements, and ran into this one:



Deeth Starr Valley? I can only think that someone at the State of Nevada DOT has one helluva sense of humor!

Diana and Jon have a new kitten!



Cody joined them last Sunday when a fellow waitress at Denny's couldn't keep him. He is only about 5-6 weeks old and was really hungry (He was being fed evaporated milk only by the other waitress). But KMR (Kitten Milk Replacement) is fattening him up! Isn't he *CUTE*?

Its been a few weeks since I have posted. Why? Well, some of you know that July 28 last year was the date I lost my husband of 19 years. I was a bit down about that anniversary approaching. So, I did several things, including keeping busy during that time. I took care of my graduation petition corrections, filed my financial aid appeals, and starting cleaning up old paperwork and junk. It was actually very therapeutic. Yes, I found things that reminded me of our past together, but getting rid of 20 year old paperwork (yeah, I know) was rather liberating.

I also took a trip to the Bay Area, and volunteered at the San Jose Grand Prix on Friday, working with other members of DMAT CA-11 and CA-6. Worked my "regular" irregular job at Raley Field on Saturday. Then I took off for Salt Lake City, UT, to see my daughter Diana. I sure miss seeing her face every day at home (Hint, hint, Diana... :-) ). I brought her a lot of her stuff, and made sure she was doing ok. I am actually still here in SLC tonight, heading to Reno tomorrow for an end to my mini vacation.

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY, MOM (And Nana, and Auntie, Tammi, Windi, and Anita)
- Love, Renee


When God Made Moms

When the good Lord was creating mothers!!!!!
He was into His sixth day of "overtime when the angel appeared and said,
"You're doing a lot of fiddling around on this one."
AND THE LORD SAID....."Have you read the specs on this order?
She has to be completely washable, but not plastic.
Have 180 moveable parts... all replaceable.
Run on black coffee and leftovers.
Have a lap that disappears when she stands up,
a kiss that can cure anything from a broken leg
to a disappointed love affair, and six pairs of hands."
And the angel shook her head slowly and said,
"Six pairs of hands...no way."
"It is not the hands that are causing me problems," said the Lord,
"It's the three pairs of eyes that mothers have to have."
"That's on the standard model?" asked the angel.
THE LORD NODDED....One pair that sees through closed doors when she asks
"What are you kids doing in there?" when she already knows.
Another here in the back of her head that sees what she shouldn't,
but what she has to know;
and of course the ones here in front that can look at a child when he goofs up and say,
"I understand and I love you", without so much as uttering a word."
"Lord", said the angel touching his sleeve gently, "go to bed, tomorrow...."
"I can't", said the Lord, "I'm so close to creating something so close to myself.
Already I have one who heals herself when she is sick....
can feed a family of six on one pound of hamburger,
and can get a nine year old to stand under a shower."
The angel circled the model of a mother very slowly.
"It's too soft", she sighed.
"But tough!" said the Lord excitedly.
You cannot imagine what this mother can do or endure."
"Can it think?"
"Not only can it think, but it can reason and compromise", said the Creator.
Finally the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek.
"There's a leak", she pronounced.
"I told you, you were trying to put too much into this model."
"It's not a leak", said the Lord. "It's a tear".
"What's it for?"
"It's for joy, sadness, disappointment, pain, loneliness and pride."
"You're a genius", said the angel.
THE LORD LOOKED SOMBER.....
"BUT I DIDN'T PUT IT THERE".

By Erma Bombeck

Yesterday, I picked up Rory's ashes, as well as his death certificates (You need multiple certified copies, because EVERYONE wants a certified copy... a photocopy won't do). The "immediate" cause of death listed is SEPTIC SHOCK. You'd think being in the hospital, they would notice he was getting sicker, but noooo. It makes me wonder at this point if Kaiser ever intended on treating Rory well at all. His INR was high also, signalling possible liver problems, but did they check on that? No. Not until I had asked the doctor when Rory was already in the ICU about his liver. And it showed that he was having a lot of problems with his liver.

I still want to know what organism (aside from the human ones) caused the massive infection he had.

Thank you to everyone who has sent their condolences regarding Rory's death. We are grateful to everyone for their support during this difficult time for our family.

OK. I think I am up to this, so...

Monday night, Rory was throwing up from midnight until about 6 AM. Pretty constant. If he swallowed anything, it came back up. Even water. His sugars were having problems, going very low, since he wasn't able to eat. Around 8 AM Tuesday morning, he was hurting a lot, and had 2mg of dilaudid. He went to sleep, and never really woke up. I could rouse him, but only for a few seconds. He would say things that didn't make sense, and then drop back asleep.

David showed up at the hospital, and tried to get his dad to wake up. Rory did say "Hey guy" to David, but dropped back off again.

Around 1:30, we left for a few hours to pick up Diana and for me to get an hour's sleep at home. I did get a little sleep, but woke up around 4:30 PM, and called the hospital to speak with the dialysis nurse who had been with Rory since I left. She told me that Rory had not spoken to her at all (Really odd, since he talks with her a lot normally), and that he really hadn't moved (also really odd). The alarms went off, and I took a quick shower, got dressed and got back to the hospital around 6 PM.

When I got there, Rory was unconscious. Dialysis was just ending, and we gave him Narcan, thinking he might be having problems with the dilaudid. Didn't really make a difference (if you have ever seen Narcan work, people wake up QUICKLY).

I called the house, and asked my brother to bring David and Diana to the hospital NOW. Which he did.

We took him down for a stat head CT, to see if he had any bleeding in his brain, since his INR was very high. Nope. No signs of a brain bleed. He was then taken to the ICU. Once he was settled, I went in for a little while. At one point, I got him to look at me, and aksed him if he was hurting at all. He opened his eyes *really wide*, then closed them again. I can only assume that he was hurting so bad! His BP was too low to really give him anything at that moment for the pain.

When David and Diana came in, he tried to turn over, but his legs didn't seem to be working. We got him on his side, and he seemed much more comfortable. When David, and then Diana, say next to him facing him, he reached out his hand to touch them (these were separate times). He couldn't talk at all. But he looked toward them and touched them. I think he was saying goodbye to them during those moments. After they left around 9:00 PM, he never moved again, or opened his eyes. I spoke to him during the night, and told him I loved him so much, and I thanked him for our wonderful children, and for the last 20 some years together.

I allowed him to be put on a ventilator around 11:00 PM, since he was hardly breathing. He had absolutely no gag reflex at all when they put in the ET tube. And he needed maximum dopamine to keep his blood pressure up to minimums.

He began bleeding from his rectum around this time. His white cell counts were very high, a mark of a major infection. And his liver function tests were very abnormal. And he still had a fever. It was clear to me he was shutting down.

He made it until morning, but his blood pressure was continuing to drop. Several times, none could be found, and his pulses in his wrists were absent. His hands were getting very cold and purple. I called home and talked with Diana, and told her to wake up Steve and have him bring her and David down immediately. She asked me why, and I told her that I was pretty sure he was dying. She told me, "Mom, I am not ready!", and I told her none of us are. They got there pretty quickly.

By 9:00 AM, we decided to stop the dopamine drip. His blood pressure by then was unreadable anyway. He slowly slipped away from us, and at 10:20, he was gone. Each of the kids had a chance before he died to say goodbye, and David spoke to him privately (Diana didn't want to speak privately to him, but did so with us there). I am still struggling to deal with his death, and probably will for a long time. But David, Diana, Steve, and I will help each other to cope and move on.

I want to thank everyone who has been so supportive of our struggle to get Rory reinstated on the sodium thiosulfate, although it never did happen. Thank you again.

At 10:20 AM this morning, Rory passed away. I am at a loss for words right now, but will post again soon.

Last night was rough. Rory was sick all night. Even Zofran (an anti-nausea drug) didn't help. And he may be vomiting up some blood now.

Today has been really hard on Rory. He was hurting so much during dialysis, it took morphine and dilaudid to control it. And now, he is whacked out due to that amount of narcotics he needed. And on top of that, he is spiking a fever of 101-102. That *could* be from the narcotics also, but could also be an infection.

I did go to the appeals committee meeting out in Oakland (100 miles each way). I am not sure how it turned out, since they don't give an answer right then. I do hope that they make the right decision and give Rory the medication he needs. I did hear that there is some sort of meeting here tomorrow about it, and the doctor that gave Rory the drug initially will be there. He did verify that some of the nodules did disappear, and have not returned, which may provide the "objective" evidence that somebody wants. We will have to wait and see. I guess if the answer was going to be no, then they would not have this meeting, but we wait until tomorrow.

Rory is still in a lot of pain. Last night was rough for him, as he needed morphine just to get sleep (get away from the pain). He was dialyzed early this morning, and shortly after starting dialysis, his pain jumped up to 7 out of 10 on the pain scale. So, more morphine. Which knocked him out. Another doctor has us trying capsaicin cream on the calciphylaxis area on his belly (why, we really don't know - it has never been shown to help calciphylaxis pain), and frankly, I am concerned it will harm his skin. But, we are doing it every 4 hours around the clock. It burns like hell, and is only increasing his pain.

We are still trying numerous avenues to get Kaiser to wake up and realize that they are not helping Rory, but are hurting him.

I am going to an appeal meeting this coming Monday (I have to drive all the way to Oakland - more than 100 miles). Why they can't hold these near the patient is beyond me. "Lets just make it as hard as we can for them to represent themselves". At least that is the way it seems.

With greater and greater need for pain control, Rory's HBS doctor increased his fentanyl patch from 50mcg to 75mcg to 100mcg over the past week. Unfortunately, it also caused nausea and vomiting that was unrelenting, and that even high power anti-nausea medications would not help. Thankfully, she backed down the dosage to 50mcg, which stopped the constant vomiting. The down side: Rory is hurting more, and needing more morphine to control pain. He is trying to not use it, but it reaches a point that he can't control it himself and has to use the pain medication (Remember, he did not require narcotics at all while he was getting the sodium thiosulfate).

We really do not understand why his doctors that made this "decision" are not thinking compassionately, why they insist on refusing to give him the one medication that made the biggest difference in helping him to keep a decent level of quality of life. It certainly isn't over the cost, or the side effects (there are none in Rory). They refuse to contact the physicians who are using sodium thiosulfate to treat calciphylaxis. And his nephrologist (who he fired but is stuck with while she is the "on call" nephrologist this week) isn't willing to even learn about this medication to help him.

We did attract attention finally from administration. Dr. Sheffield, the assistant physician-in-chief came to see us yesterday afternoon. He basically told us that the administrative physicians (i.e. him and his boss, Dr. Craig Green), do not make clinical decisions. This "committee" that was formed and met last week included people who, according to Dr. Sheffield, the assistant physician-in-chief at the hospital Rory is at, who were not supposed to make a medical decision (such as the physician-in-chief, who is supposedly only working in an administrative capacity, not involved in clinical decisions, according to Dr. Sheffield). We feel strongly that this meeting that was held last week was not to discuss what is best for Rory, but how they could refuse to give the medication.

Yesterday was "ok". He did need dilaudid to get through the day. Rory's HBS doctor was the one who originally ordered the sodium thiosulfate. He did order another dose, but I think he is afraid to go up against other docs (such as Rory's nephrologist). That's too bad, really. He was the one who saw the improvement in Rory, and saw how well Rory was feeling after getting the medication. Rory did get that one dose, however...

His nephrologist put in his chart that he was not to get the sodium thiosulfate. This is the same nephrologist who said she would not stand in our way. What the heck does she think she is doing now? I spoke with her today (on the phone, btw, not in person). I was amazed at how ignorant she is about all the nephrologists that are using sodium thiosulfate successfully to treat calciphylaxis. I also decided to ask her, since she is an "expert" in treating this, how many patients she has treated. She told me 10. I asked how many successfully. She wouldn't tell me. So, we have no choice but to assume that none of them survived.

So now, Rory is still not going to get it, even though it was clear that the drug is working. Instead, they would rather him be on heavy narcotics forever.

I did get his nephrologist to fax me the "letter" that according to her notes was sent out already (It is dated today). While we are in the process of the appeals procedure with Kaiser, they have up to 14 days to respond. GUYS! WAKE UP! YOU ARE TORTURING MY HUSBAND UNNECESSARILY OVER A DRUG THAT COSTS $20 per dose.

So, I need everyone who reads this to contact everyone in the media you can, contact your congressman and tell them that Kaiser is refusing to use a therapy that is being used all over this country, to treat a condition that is highly fatal. Print out a copy of the flyer we have here. If you are a physician in the State of California (or anywhere else for that matter) that is treating your calciphylaxis patients with sodium thiosulfate, contact me. If you have been treated with it, contact me. I need to find someone to help him immediately!

Rory is back in the hospital today. He could not finish dialysis, due to the pain, and that everytime he flinched, the machine would alarm and stop. He did get most of it, but not all. He is in extreme pain, requiring IV dilaudid as well as the fentanyl patches. It is much, much worse when he is on dialysis. When we got to the E.R. this time, we were treated with the respect and dignity we should have been afforded on Thursday, but were denied.

Rory's calciphylaxis has now spread to his right chest area (in the breast tissue). And it is also starting to hurt. It is spreading around his left side to his back once again. If this isn't proof that the sodium thiosulfate was working until they refused to give it again, I don't what is. He is slowly being killed by doctors that are not caring for the patient, but for Kaiser.

Today Kaiser held their "meeting" (with us specifically not welcome). Although they discussed Rory's care, they refused to let Rory have any say in his care. This violates Kaiser's own signage all over their facilities, which state that patients have a right to

"have impartial access to treatment. You have the right to any medically necessary treatment as prescribed by your Permanente Medical Group or Plan physician that is a covered Health Plan benefit, regardless of your age, race, color, national origin, religion, sex, sexual orientation, cultural background, or physical or mental disability."

By providing him with the medication previously, the medication is a covered Health Plan benefit.

Well, it seems that they are not giving impartial access to treatment. They made a medical decision about Rory without allowing him any say in it, for a treatment that is being used across this country to treat calciphylaxis. And Kaiser keeps saying "experimental". Wrong term, guys. It is OFF-LABEL USE OF AN FDA APPROVED MEDICATION, which the EPA says is used to treat calcinosis (something his docs denied - if the EPA has it documented from the year 2000, then it has been used an additional 4 years beyond that report).

We don't even know who was involved in this decision, except for his nephrologist. We do not know if these people are M.D.'s, what their expertise in calciphylaxis is, if any at all (most physicians don't even know what it is, including the E.R. we saw last night.

So, Kaiser has made the determination to not treat Rory's condition, since it is now obvious that dialysis is doing absolutely nothing to improve this. The sodium thiosulfate was actually working. It had this disease on the run, and had Rory pain free, with the exception of two dialysis days. Now, he is back on fentanyl patches and dilaudid, which isn't controlling is pain very well. ATTENTION KAISER: Isn't the ultimate goal the health and well-being of the patient? Isn't improving a patient's quality of life important? Or is more important to sacrifice a patient rather than admit that you do not know everything?

Please, please reconsider your death sentence for Rory. Writing him off will not end this by any means. He is a patient of yours, he deserves quality medical care, not substandard treatment by uninformed persons. Remember, Kaiser used to be pioneers in medical care, not the backwaters of medical care. Kaiser used to be concerned with the welfare of their patient's, not the bottom line.
===

Rory was taken by ambulance from his dialysis center in extreme pain yesterday. When he got to the E.R., it took more than an hour for them to even get him some pain control, which is in my mind, improper care. All because he showed up during a shift change (lousy excuse). They finally gave him 1mg of dilaudid, and prescribed 2 fentanyl patches, and tried to kick him out. WRONG. He was in no condition to leave at that point. The fentanyl doesn't even kick in for 12-24 hours. So, he got another 1mg of dilaudid, and they tried again to kick him out. At this point, I was on the phone to CMS (Medicare), regarding their attempt to keep kicking him out without good pain control. It seemed to calm them down from attempting to get rid of him. From the way they were treating us, it seemed like they wanted to get him out of the E.R. no matter what. They still tried another 2 times, but not until later on. It still irks me to no end that they were doing what they claim they don't do, that is "treat and street" a patient before even getting blood values back, or even adequately controlling pain.

They did discharge him with 2 more fentanyl patches, and 2 2mg dilaudid tablets. Oh, and 72 hour followup visit set for when Rory is on dialysis on Monday (that's 96 hours, guys). So now, I have to keep calling and trying to get an appointment for Sunday, if at all possible. I did get an appointment for later on Monday, but Rory will be wiped out and certainly in more pain then. You see, dialysis makes this pain even more excruciating, due to fluid changes in the tissues.

Well, we sit here waiting, while Rory is hurting more and more. He is now taking narcotics for pain, when we feel he should be getting treatment instead. Oh yeah, none of his doctors is documenting the progression of the calciphylaxis. We tried to see his nephrologist. No go... she did call me back, though. Calls to his primary care physician are unanswered. We feel at this point that they have written Rory off, rather than provide him the care he needs. Their only response: "Well, if the pain gets bad enough, go to the emergency room". Nice. How about competent medical care?

I did get a call from the "Expedited Review Department" manager, who *seems* to be siding with us. We'll see.

OK. I spoke with Rory's nephrologist, who told me that she had authorized the medication and PICC line, but it was the infusion center who had started this mess. They are accusing us of "interrupting the care of the other patients". They'd better have really good documentation on this. We haven't even yelled at them, or said one bad thing to them. "Female manager" (name withheld) in the infustion center is the one who lied to me, pure and simple, and I intend to make sure that her supervisors and the State of California are aware of this. I will file a formal grievance against her for this, and for endangering my husband's life as a result of her slanderous accusations.

So, we are looking for legal representation at this point and anyone with regulatory authority to stop them from this madness. I called the Sacramento Bar Association, who sent me to Legal Services, who sent me to the Legal Center for the Elderly and Disabled, who sent me to the Health Rights Hotline, who sent me to Lumetra, who sent me to the Department of Health Services. Keep in mind, my ultimate goal is just to get them to give him this medication.

Note: Rory is already experiencing more hardening (calciphylaxis) of his abdomen at this point, and more pain, without the medication. If dialysis was helping this problem, this would not be happening. By failing to continue to adminster the sodium thiosulfate, they have proven that the sodium thiosulfate was working. While we "settled" for half-dose before, I think we will now request the full 25gram dose three times per week, since this setback.

Update: Kaiser's "Expedited Review" department stated to me that this was not something that required their assistance and they have referred it to the standard 2-week review process. RORY MAY SUFFER PERMANENT DAMAGE DUE TO THIS UNREASONABLE WAIT FOR AN URGENT PROBLEM NOR DOES HE DESERVE TO SUFFER IN PAIN WHILE THEY TAKE THEIR TIME! They claimed that calciphylaxis is a chronic problem. This sure came on acutely enough. As soon as I asked to provide the information that they told me I would be able to, she said, "Goodbye Mrs. Roberts" and refused to talk to me further. I told her I was reporting this to DMHC.

I guess I spoke too soon, and made the mistake of trusting medical personnel. We got a call today, from the director of Rory's dialysis center who said she was passing on a message (Which came from Rory's nephrologist - Why she didn't call us is an unknown). She left a message on my cell phone saying that the appointment to put in the PICC line was cancelled, and that the nephrology department, the legal department, and someone else (Who's name was unintelligble) would have a meeting "sometime" to discuss this.

I called Rory's dialysis coordinator, who had no idea that his appointment had been cancelled. She contacted the nephrologist, who said that the appointment was not cancelled by her, but by the manager of the infusion center. She assured me that the nephrologists had nothing to do with it getting cancelled.

I called the infusion center and asked the charge nurse to call me back, since they never even called us to cancel the appointment (rather cowardly in my view). About a half hour later, I got a call from "Female manager" (name withheld), who claimed to be the manager of the center (See the previous paragraph). I asked her point blank if she had anything to do with the appointment being cancelled. Initially, she said "No", and when I asked her again later in the conversation (after mentioning the discussion with Rory's dialysis coordinator), she kept refusing to answer it, stating, "There will be a meeting held in the next few days about this matter" over and over again. BUT, she also stated that they never received the order for the PICC line and medication - something I do not believe at this moment, since I know they got the verbal order on Thursday.

So, we have been lied by someone. Either "Female manager", or Rory's nephrologist. Either way, lying to a patient is unconscionable, and reprehensible. And is subject to legal sanctions.

I have contacted the State of California Department of Managed Care, and explained the urgency of this need. We should hear from them by 5pm tonight.

GREAT NEWS!!!

Today was going to be Rory's last infusion of sodium thiosulfate (according to the discharge orders). His docs kept giving us a run-around, referring to each other to make a decision. It was really frustrating us unbelievably. Well, I started to really make waves at member services (I had been there twice already about this). It seems that around this time, his docs got their heads together and decided to go ahead and allow Rory to keep getting the sodium thiosulfate for the next 6 months at the infusion center, AND to replace his midline catheter with a PICC line (lasts longer). We were not going to let them pull the midline until he got a PICC line order, since this is also Rory's only IV access - he is a DAMN HARD STICK.

The PICC goes in on Monday. They took out the midline on Thursday to give his arm a chance to rest, in the event they have to use the same vein again (Remember his access problems? Same issue here, too). He will get the sodium thiosulfate at that time also.

To his docs (If you are reading this): Thank You! We realize that you may not agree personally about this medication, but it does appear to be working.

Rory has had some rough days at dialysis. His belly started to really hurt while on dialysis, but I don't think it was entirely dialysis related. You see, we have a very rambunctious kitten, about 4 months old. And he used Rory's belly as a launching pad one night. Same spot hurt like he** the next day, and the day after, but started to improve today. Bruising along with calciphylaxis? Or just ticked off the general area due to the crystals? Dunno.

Well, the 4th of July came and went. Rory got his infusion this morning (He feels better within hours of each dose... coincidence? I think not). No problems. Two more left, while we try to figure out what to do to keep him getting it.

We bought some fireworks, but could not light them where we live, so everyone (sans me) went to a local parking lot to fire them off. Me? I had a migraine... and spent the night with my head under the blankets keeping the light out. First 4th I ever missed in 40 years.

It took me most of the week to get calls back from Rory's regular doctor's office, and the otthopedist, but they finally saw Rory today. Bad news from one, good from the other...

First the good news... Rory's amputation on his middle finger is healing well, but he wants Rory to keep the sutures in for at least 4 weeks, since it took that long the last time for him to heal.

Now the bad news... WE WERE LIED TO BY THE DISCHARGING PHYSICIAN AT THE HOSPITAL!!! He said that Rory's personal physician would handle the sodium thiosulfate. The personal physician said he told the discharging physician "no f---ing way!", and refused to even READ UP on calciphylaxis to help Rory (I offered him all my research - he refused). What a closed minded individual he is... he wants us to trust him, but he won't trust us??? Looks like we start looking for another doctor for Rory.

Rory has just 3 doses left from the discharge orders.

Rory got home today. :-)

We had been trying for almost a week to get them to coordinate the sodium thiosulfate IV, so he would continue to get it for the next 6 months. Finally, they said that the infusion center would do it at another facility (this one doesn't have an infusion center - yet), and that his regular doc would handle his care outside the hospital including the sodium thiosulfate.

It is sooooo good to have him home!

Well, things have gone downhill rather quickly.

I took Rory to the ER on the evening of the 28th with more severe belly pain (just the surface, not deep). But it was extremely painful. His belly was beginning to become very hard in the lower left area. And it was getting red over the hard spots.

He was admitted, with a presumptive diagnosis of calciphylaxis. This is a dreaded and devastating complication of renal failure. The prevailing thought is the lousy dialysis over the last few months caused it (Thanks, guys). Calciphylaxis has a fatality rate of 50-80%. Not good. He was started on additional IV antibiotics, and morphine for pain control. We were hoping that this was an abscess (much easier to treat).

Within a few days, it became apparent that it was calciphylaxis. So, I did a fair amount of research, and found information I really didn't want to read. I saw what it could look like full-blown. And learned that the "accepted" treatment is essentially supportive. IV antibiotics to ward off infection, changing the dialysis, and increasing the amount of dialysis is how this is most often treated. Great. All I could envision was watching my husband die of this dreaded complication.

So, I did what I do with everything... I learned more and more about calciphylaxis, and then I discovered THERE IS A TREATMENT! But most nephrologists do not believe it works, since there has not been a large-scale study done (How can you, when only 1000 or so folk get it in the US each year?). But I found an article that was published right before Rory got sick that detailed the successful treatment of calciphylaxis in a woman with a drug, Sodium Thiosulfate. And I found anecdotal evidence of another 60 people who have been successfully treated with it. Getting a doctor to listen to me was another matter. Rory's nephrologist was so quick to say "NO!" that we were taken aback. She absolutely refused to believe that it would work. But, she did say that if we could find another doc to give it, no problem (Aha! A challenge!).

So, I began to work on the general medicine docs taking care of Rory's non-dialysis issues. And I found one who listened, who read what I provided him, and who I asked, "Why not try this if he is getting worse?". Thankfully, after a week of Rory getting worse, he decided to try the sodium thiosulfate. At least Rory would now stand a chance of improvement. And we weren't wanting to stop dialysis... that would be a death sentence for Rory anyway. We just wanted to do more thank essentially nothing but wait for it to keep getting worse, and have huge sores that would open up eventually, causing massive sepsis and death. Who wouldn't? And I would NEVER suggest something that there was no evidence for (His nephrologist actually accused me of practicing medicine. No... I was merely researching this problem to find out as much as I could about it. I wasn't actually giving him the med... geez!).

Rory started getting the sodium thiosulfate on Monday, June 7th, after dialysis, 3 times a week. No improvement noted that first week. He got another dose two days ago, with no improvement yesterday. BUT... TODAY HE IS PAIN FREE WHILE IN BED!!! And the tenderness in his abdomen is less! WOO HOO!!!! I hope it isn't just one day! I really truly hope that this keeps improving daily! He just got another dose while I have been writing this out. God, I hope this is actually getting better.

Well, this is a good news day!

First, our son David graduated high school last night! He turned 18 last week, and now he is a graduate! Yay!!!! We are so proud of him!

Second, Rory's podiatrist was very impressed with the healing on his foot. It is almost completely healed up!!! (One less barrier to transplant). Should be totally healed in a few days (Of course, the skin has to toughen up, but that should happen within a few weeks).

I know its been a while since I last posted... sorry. Things over the last month have left me extremely tired, and my blog, well, it didn't get the attention it deserves.

First, I ended up with a serious bleeding problem due to depo provera (which I was taking to avoid having my period... oh well). Although the bleeding hasn't ended, it has slowed down, so I hope my body will pick up the pace and replenish those missing red cells (my hematocrit got down to 30)!

Second, we are STILL WAITING for transplant to even call us back, just to let us know whether or not they have re-activated Rory. At last check, they had told his nephrologist that they would be doing the urethral reconstruction at the same time as the transplant surgery, but they have been extremely quiet this past month. The nephrologist is trying to get an answer from UCSF, since they have had the results from the aortogram for some time now.

In the meantime, Rory is now on dialysis 5 days a week. I don't even think that is enough, since the catheter isn't working well at all. He is starting to show signs of uremia (nausea, for example) now, along with being sleepy a lot.

More to come as soon as we know more.

Rory is feeling crappier and crappier, since his catheter isn't working very well and it is infected. He felt so bad on Monday, that I took him to the ER. CBC, Lytes were OK, but his BUN was 46 post-dialysis (high, not good). Creatnine was also high (again, not good). They added Cipro oral (antibiotic) to the Kefzol IV (antibiotic) he is getting at dialysis. I sure hope it works.

OK... Rory had the aortogram. The interventional radiologist who did it told me that Rory's right side iliac artery and vein looked really good, and that the left looked good, but there was some disease on the left iliac/femoral. When the dictation is done, I will take a look at the report myself.

I also just got a call from his dialysis coordinator, who is trying to stay on top of things for me (Thank you Lisa!!!), and keep me from going insane. She told me that Rory's nephrologist was told by the UCSF Urology folk that they will do the repair on Rory's urethra at the same time as his transplant, since "It isn't anything major... just a 5 minute procedure" (Now, didn't I say something like that before???). The only thing that bugs me about this is that this is in direct contrast to what we were told out there on April 13th.

What this means... THERE IS NOTHING TO STAND IN RORY'S WAY FOR A TRANSPLANT! (Except of course for UCSF to activate and tray list him... Please guys!!! His access is REALLY STARTING TO FAIL).

Well, where should I start? Rory and I went to UCSF to see the urologist and also the transplant folk. The transplant appointment went better than we thought, although they still want an aortogram done (an angiogram of the aorta, iliac, and femoral arteries and veins). OK... makes sense to know that there are no major blockages. The transplant surgeon who saw Rory got pulses on his right groin and foot, so chances are... it will show ok on the aortogram. The urology appointment was another matter. I get the distinct feeling that they don't want to do any surgery on Rory to create a urinary opening, thus making a transplant impossible. We were told that another urologist office would call us on 4/19, but we are still waiting (yes, that's on today's agenda to call them!).

We also talked to his Kaiser nephrologist, who is seeing if plastics at Kaiser can do this procedure on Rory, thus removing the roadblock seemingly put in our path by UCSF. We will see...

My trip to Dallas went well... learned a lot! And it was a nice micro-vacation.

Easter Day came and went for us quietly. I ended up getting sick last week while all this was going on (stress?). Nasty virus that landed in my throat, taking my voice for a few days. I still made Easter dinner (ala Honeybaked Ham), cooking the rest of the stuff, and intermittently lying down to rest. After our 2pm-ish dinner (Since Diana had to go to work, we ate earlier than usual), I went back to bed and vegetated. Thankfully, I am feeling a lot better today, especially in light of the fact that school is back in session - back to the grind! (Hey, I never did get a Spring Break with everything that happened with Rory... can I get a raincheck???)

Well, after they TPA'd his catheter, it seemed to work ok today. At least I didn't get called to tell me Rory's catheter is clotted again. I don't know if they are TPA'ing it again after dialysis today or not.

Update: Yep... they did TPA it afterward. Here's hoping it works Monday.

UCSF Transplant wants to see Rory before he goes over to Urology on Tuesday. We'll see what they say, and I will let you all know.

UPDATE: We may not have bought even more than a few days. They are already having to TPA his catheter today. If anyone knows someone at UCSF Kidney Transplant... PLEASE! PLEASE TRANSPLANT HIM NOW!

(Warning... this is a LONG Blog entry)

The last week has been, um, difficult. Rory's catheter stopped working sometime between dialysis on April 1, and April 3, when he went in for his treatment. They had put in TPA (a powerful declotting agent) in his catheter when he came off dialysis on Thursday. But Saturday morning, nada... zip... zilch. His dialysis nurse called to the on-call nephrologist, who after hearing that it was already TPA'd, told them to TPA it again and send him home. Which they did. So, I picked him up, convinced them to run a potassium on him, but we had to go over to Kaiser and get them to stick him for the blood test. Done. And we waited for them to call us... And waited and waited. In the meantime, I left a message for the vascular surgeon, advising him that the catheter was clotted, and that they TPA'd it a second time.

Since we didn't hear back from the lab, I called Sunday morning to the call center to get the result... test still in lab... (For something that should take an hour at the most???). It was a "life-threatening" status test, but they goofed and sent it out to the regional lab... they still haven't run the test to this day (At this point, it is lost). We had to go BACK to Kaiser and have Rory stuck AGAIN. This time, we waited in the lab for them to run it. It came back, but they refused to tell us the result, even though they were directed to! They called it over to the E.R., who insisted on us coming over there. So, we went over to the E.R., and told them we just wanted to talk to the doc who insisted on us coming over to get the result. Nope... he wanted Rory to check into the E.R. FIRST. Well, Rory refused until he got the result. A nurse finally looked it up (Thank you!), and told him. It was 6.5. High, but not anything we can't deal with at home. If it was like 7.0, I would have insisted on him staying. The doc was still freaked out... we explained our experience with renal failure for the last 8 years, so he was ok about Rory leaving... as long as he signed out AMA (Against Medical Advise)... he hadn't signed in! So, we left without signing it.

The next day (Monday now), Rory went back to dialysis. Lo and behold, the catheter was still clotted (anyone surprised? Not us). It was open enough to pull a blood sample, so they did another "life-threatening" status potassium. We contacted the vascular surgeon, leaving a message that we needed to have another catheter put in. Abby, the medical assistant there, is a Godsend. She got hold of the surgeon (who was in surgery), and got Rory put on the schedule as an "add-on" (meaning: They operate as soon as there is a room available... it can take a while... but that's ok). I also told her that there was a stat potassium at the lab that I had dropped off (There's another story to tell one day!), so they didn't need to order one. That was actually a good thing... sped up the process a bit.

We waited in the parking lot (got there at 10am), rather than driving all the way home, then coming all the way back immediately. Around noon, we got called to go to admitting, which we did... since we were in the parking lot, we got over to admitting before they knew he needed to be there! Got him up to the Pre-op area and we waited... and waited (no biggie... at least he'd get the catheter replaced). And around 5:30, they took him back to the O.R.

7:00 rolls around, and the surgeon (nice guy, and truthfully, a good friend at this point), pokes his head in the waiting room and asks, "Is anyone else in here right now?" I know that means the news can't be good. And it wasn't. He couldn't find a vein anywhere, so he went back into the old vein location. And shoved the catheter in higher. But it wasn't working right in the O.R. He wasn't very confident that it would work at all, and if it did, would have to work "reversed", which doesn't work as well as the normal method for dialyzing someone.

Since he couldn't find another vein, this meant that Rory was out of access spots. Thats the bombshell. No access... no dialysis. No dialysis... death. I knew that this day would come when I would hear this, but still... my heart sunk. Here, my soulmate, might not be able to get dialysis again, and wouldn't live long. Hearing this... well, I held it together, but I could see that telling me was damn difficult for the surgeon. Giving bad news is something every doc learns to do, but still... He did tell me about a few options that might buy us some time, but neither was a "good" option. I told him that Rory needed to hear it directly from him, and to know all possibilities. He agreed.

I told Rory what the surgeon told us. Since he still had some sedatives in his system, I wasn't sure how much he would remember (Which is one of the reasons I wanted the surgeon to talk to him). We went home, and decided to tell our two kids (ages 16 and 17) what we had learned. That was hard. And upsetting for everyone. Its not everyday you have to tell your kids you might not be around in a week or two. They took it hard, but we knew they would. Eventually, we all went to bed... I didn't sleep hardly at all. Kept waking up every few minutes. All night long.

Rory went to dialysis the next morning, to at least try and see if it would work. We held our breath, crossed our fingers, and prayed. They hooked it up reverse... and THANK GOD! It worked! No major problems the whole time he was on the machine! I actually went home after it was running for around 40 minutes. I had to just get away. There was so much tension in me... I had to blow it off away from Rory. While he was at the center, his new nephrologist came in and talked to him (she talked to everyone, not just him). And it turns out that the surgeon and the neph decided to keep Rory on antibiotics "indefinitely", to keep infection from being a cause of this catheter failing.

Dialysis worked yesterday also. And the surgeon spoke to Rory yesterday also, just to make sure that he knew everything. It was what both of us were expecting. Rory's dialysis coordinator is trying to get transplant to put him on priority for kidney transplant. Still waiting to hear. In the meantime, we are seeing the urologist at UCSF on Tuesday, the 13th. Last hurdle, I hope!

I haven't heard a word this morning from dialysis... I take that to be good news. But I still am tense as hell.

Rory's catheter looks infected again. The folks at dialysis must have agreed when they saw it, since they restarted him on IV antibiotics.

Healthy Families finally put the kids back on, AFTER Managed Risk Medical Insurance Board (MRMIB) told them to. I am gonna have to find a permanent solution for this...

It sure has been a while since I updated this Blog... sorry! Things have been very busy for me, and unfortunately, this Blog was one of the things that didn't get done.

Anyhow, Rory had another catheter replacement done on March 1. The old one fell out AGAIN (This one I blame solely on the dialysis center for not securing it properly). This one is working so-so... keeps clotting off, and they TPA it at least once a week. So the area around it isn't healing and constantly oozes blood (not a lot). Frustrating as hell. Urology still hasn't gotten back to us, but I have to hammer on them and they will clear him eventually. Then it is on to transplant! (Cross your fingers!)

The kids are doing well. The worst of the dentistry is over for now, thankfully! I am still battling with Healthy Families to keep them covered. They seem to think that we make a heckuva lot more than we do, since they are counting my husband's social security twice. Why can't they figure out that if we made as much as they say we do, we wouldn't be asking for the kids to be on Healthy Families! Message to Healthy Families: LEARN TO COUNT AND READ!

We finally heard from UCSF. They want Rory to see a urologist, which is supposedly the final hurdle to being transplanted. If all goes well, he is at the top of the list! Which means *maybe* he will be transplanted in the next few months! Keep your fingers crossed, and keep praying, everyone!

Well, Rory's dialysis went surprisingly well. High flow rates, and no major alarms. He was still hurting pretty good from the surgery, but he dealt with it in his usual style.

For the interested, here is a picture of what one of those catheters looks like:

Click here to view image

And here is the Patient Information Guide (which we never get, ironically).

Rory had surgery again today. His hemodialysis catheter began to come out, so he was scheduled for surgery to replace it. This morning... it popped out altogether... (at least it worked yesterday). Surgery went well, and the surgeon was reasonable confident it would work... we'll see on Wed.

Rory has been feeling pretty crappy since he got out of the hospital on the 5th. He has not been able to keep a lot down. He started having a discharge from his catheter exit site last week, which they cultured. Nothing major popped up. Tuesday, the reason why he was feeling lousy became abundantly clear. He came down with a raging infection, running a temp at dialysis of 102.9 F. Even with Tylenol, it went up to over 104 that evening. They took blood cultures, then ran in some heavy duty I.V. antibiotics. He is starting to feel better now, but is still really weak, and I think, very protein deficient. So, I am "buffing" him up with eggs, meats, lots of higher protein items. Oh yeah... his catheter keeps clotting off, so they keep TPA'ing it. And he is oozing a bit of blood from his exit site when he is dialyzed. And life goes marching on... and we pack up our stuff...

Well, it is now 5 days since they replaced Rory's dialysis catheter, and it seems to be running well (knock on wood, or whatever). He still isn't feeling well, but seems to be improving ever so slightly.

No noise from his nephrologist or UCSF about last Wednesday's cardiac cath. Please relist him, guys!

Back to the craziness of school I go! I ended up behind already with everything that happened last week. This week is pure catch-up. 40 pages here, 60 pages there, trying to remember my Spanish... :-)

Well, this has certainly been a crazy week. After Rory was hospitalized and did get dialysis on Monday, we expected him to have surgery on Tuesday. Well, that didn't happen, but that was due to lack of an operating room to do it. So, he was scheduled for Thursday. In the meantime, he had a cardiac catheterization scheduled on Wednesday (we had scheduled it previous to all of this). Everyone agreed he needed the catheterization immediately.

So, Wednesday morning, they shipped him off to another Kaiser facility to have the test done. They took him by ambulance. He had the catheterization, which showed no major changes from 2 years ago. That was actually good news. We hope that this means he is still transplantable (Hey, anyone at UCSF reading this??? PLEASE TRANSPLANT HIM! He deserves the chance to see his kids graduate from high school... He deserves the chance to walk his daughter down the aisle when she marries, and they deserve the chance to have their dad around...). He has now been waiting 8 years for a transplant. 8 LONG YEARS. August 3, 1995 was the date that he was first listed. And he has done everything that they told him to do, but still, no transplant. His doctors at Kaiser have said they are going to be contacting UCSF and try and get them to "re-activate" Rory, and credit the time that he has been waiting. Without a transplant, I don't know that he will last much longer. He is truly running out of places on his body that they can dialyze him. And unlike livers and hearts, when you can't get dialysis, it isn't necessarily going to result in a transplant. A lot of people die each year waiting for a transplant because they can't be dialyzed.

Today, they put in a new catheter, in the same place as before, but "buried" much deeper, so hopefully it will work. He is dialyzing as I write this... here's hoping (and praying).

Still looking for another house nearby also!

Rory was hospitalized today. He has gone almost 1 week without adequate dialysis, was getting very tired, confused, and feeling sick all the time. After this weekend of trying (and failing) to dialyze him, we finally convinced his docs to hospitalize him. After several hours, they put in a femoral dialysis access. This is a catheter that goes into the groin, to allow temporary dialysis. This buys us time to try and come up with a permanent solution. Hopefully, tomorrow they will offer us this solution, whatever it is.

Wednesday, he is supposed to have a cardiac catheterization to see if he can still be transplanted. God, I hope he still can be.

Now, adding insult to injury, I received a letter from our landlord. They are selling our house, and we have 60 days to find another place to live. Timing is everything.

Well, it has been a while since my last post. Things have not been going well for Rory. His dialysis access (a permcath in his chest) has been failing, and he has been slowly getting sicker and sicker, even while being dialyzed 5 days a week, for 4 hours a day. Last Thursday, they replaced the catheter, but it has not been working at all (well, 15 minutes total isn't really working), it leaks blood around the exit site (where it comes out of his skin), partially worked its way out about 2 inches, and hurts like hell. I ended up taking him to the E.R. We had to get a doctor to give him morphine in the E.R. on Friday, due to the pain. The vascular surgeon on call thinks Rory has a hematoma (a collection of blood) between the skin and the vein that the catheter is threaded into, and that is what is slowly leaking. They also stitched it to his skin, so it won't come out any further. The doctor also wrote him a script for dilaudid, which is basically oral morphine. Home we went...

This morning, he went to dialysis again, and it worked for a few minutes, then the alarms went off (high venous pressures), and kept going off. So, they tried using TPA to declot it (clotting wasn't the problem, but the nephrologist decided that it should be tried anyway). Of course, it didn't work. So, they took him off dialysis. Total dialysis time: 30 minutes, with .5 L fluid removed. Oh, and added MORE TPA to his catheter. His potassium level is high (It was 6.0 Friday night, we assume it is higher today since he ate food Friday night and Saturday morning), so now he is taking SPS (Sodium Polystyrene) to try and lower the potassium levels. Too high, and the heart stops working... not good. And no dialysis tomorrow, since the center is closed. He is supposed to get dialyzed on Monday, but with it not working, it is doubtful that it will work. And since this is a holiday weekend, the vascular surgeon needed to fix this problem is on vacation (Hey, I can't blame him for having a private life, but damnit! This is my husband!), and won't be back until Tuesday. I just hope Rory does ok until then. He continues to bleed slowly from the exit site. Not a lot, but constant.

Now, the shitty part: This may be Rory's last accessible area for a long term dialysis access. No access, no dialysis. No dialysis, death. And no guarantee he will be transplanted. You see, unlike other organs, kidney transplants aren't done just because someone can't be dialyzed. Isn't that shitty.

Well, Rory's finger (stump) is healing nicely. The PA that saw him today said that it looked just like it should on a non-diabetic! So, I guess my kicking him in the ass to control his sugars is paying off. Last week, there was an area that was clearly not healing, and the doc was talking about "revising" the amputation... a fancy term for a "re-amputation", shortening it further. We thought we'd try to avoid that, so we asked for hyperbaric therapy. They agreed, but sent the request to the wrong department... argh. Fixed, but now the doc is on vacation, and the hyperbaric center has to talk to him before they will do anything. Double argh. Oh well.

The kids are back in school as of today. It is eerily quiet again here at the house. Maybe I will get some gardening done...

Well, it's been a while since I posted. Things have been, um... interesting.

My job at Raley Field is going well. I really do love medicine. And I even became an unwitting patient on my way to work on July 4th. I caught my right foot in a hole in the parking lot (a dirt lot with gravel all over it), and did a face plant to the ground. Wiped out my left knee (gnarly roadrash from the knee down about 6 inches onto my shin). A fair amount of gravel embedded in my left palm, and stickers in the right palm. I actually didn't smack my face in the ground (thankfully). So, I walked to work, clocked in (people staring at my bleeding leg), and went into the first aid office... I became patient #3 that day. Even had to write up a stinkin' report on the whole incident, since it happened on company property... sheez.

Well, 12 days later, it is still kinda sore when I go down on that knee. Guess I bruised the crap out of the tissue underneath (patellar tendon possibly or the bone?). But it is getting better. Hasn't stopped me from working, though (not sure anything will).

Finished up my DMAT training (Huge amount of training to do... all online!). Woo hoo! Into medicine? Want to use your talents to help others? Join your local DMAT (Disaster Medical Assistance Team). Hey, they can use folk without medical experience also! Do a Google search for DMAT and the initials of your state to find them.